I’ll tell you how it made me feel — ripped off! It happened in exactly 10 years ago. My wife and I had quit work, sold everything, bought one-way tickets and followed what we believed was the clear lead of God to live and work in a small village in the north of Israel.

And we were certain that he was going with us as he went with David, and we’d see giants fall.

I’m not sure what actually happened for me to lose my faith: whether it slowly leaked away or I woke up one morning without it. But I won’t forget the moment, six months into our time in ‘The Land’, when I spoke out the words, “God, I don’t think I believe in you any more. Everything I believed in seems to be mere words”.

And I really meant it!

I felt that I’d made the biggest mistake of my life: no home, no job, and no money for plane tickets home. Then I came to the conclusion that my reasons for doing this were vain illusions. How could I believe in a God who didn’t live up to what I’d been told to believe about him? Where was he when I needed him? Hadn’t I done all the right things to get the blessings and the joy?

God shocked me with a response. It wasn’t anything audible; there were no signs that something spiritually significant was happening. But I know that I heard God speak to me.

“Good, Tim,” he said, “Now we can get rid of all the junk you’ve taken on board and we can start to really get to know each other”.

You see, what had knocked my faith wasn’t that my God wasn’t there or that he wasn’t answering prayer. The reason my faith was in tatters was that I had built my relationship with God on what I’d been taught by others, cobbled together with the knocks and the blows of life, all of which I’d packaged up in nice little Christian-sounding boxes.

That night, as I stood overlooking the Jordan River, my life was changed forever. I’m still unsure of what real value there was to the people we spent time with on that Kibbutz. I think two people came to faith in their Messiah Jesus while we were there, although they’re not living that way now.

But things did change. As I spent the following months getting to know Jesus as my personal Saviour, friend and God, my view of my calling changed. I was there to serve him through serving these people. And, as I discovered this fact, I found the most incredible joy in the tasks that were once chores. There was a joy in serving, a joy in sweating, a joy in being so far from everything that was a comfort.

I know that my experiences in that desert may be nothing compared to the desert you are living in. And yet I pray, lest you become weary and discouraged in your soul, that this slice of my own journey will remind you that Jesus assures us that the sun will rise on those dark nights of the soul.

By Tim Sisarich, Executive Director

of Focus on the Family, Copyright

© 2009 Focus on the Family. All rights reserved.