Parents also need to consider what they are modeling when it comes to alcohol.

For example do they gulp down a beer or a glass of wine to ‘relax’ as soon as they get in the door or are they showing that they can enjoy a glass of wine or beer on certain occasions but that it’s not a must, that they can have a good time without alcohol? Wise parents understand that their attitude and approach to alcohol and drugs directly impacts their children. Adolescents are the first to sniff hypocrisy — they want the truth — good or bad! And when parents model consistency between what they say and do, they teach integrity and responsibility.

The real challenge is for parents to hold the line. We are after backbone parents who realise it is more important to be the parent and not the best friend at this stage. This then provides a safe base from which they can explore a range of views and identities.

When parents seek to maintain a warm relationship with their children, to love them, listen to them, have fun with them and affirm them, they will grow resilient children. It is in this sort of environment where a family regularly eats meals together and creates its own identity through traditions and rituals that beliefs, values and expectations can be imparted.

I also encourage parents to seek to understand the impact of today’s ‘culture’ [such as media, drugs and alcohol] on their families and to be prepared to set boundaries and guidelines around these, letting their children know that every choice has a consequence.

I love the adage, “It takes a community to raise a child”. A wise parent gets to know their children’s friends and their parents so they can establish a network. Parents getting involved in their children’s sport, music, drama and youth groups certainly help facilitate a safe passage through the teenage years. As they put the hours in as regular spectators, volunteers, managers, drivers, they form relationships with other parents and their children.

I found that it was at camps and regattas, sharing rooms with other parents, peeling vegetables, standing on the sports sidelines and at drama rehearsals that we discussed all teenage issues. I often found that the majority of parents were on the same page about alcohol and parties and were keen to be proactive.

Young people need to have plenty of fun and teenagers need safe recreation, music, company and credible adults who expect a certain standard of behaviour. Parents thinking ‘outside the square’ can create some incredibly fun times that they will always remember eg a party with a ‘dress-up’ or ‘Fear Factor’ theme and non alcoholic cocktails; kidnapping a friend for a fun outing or to surprise them for a birthday, doing over a friend’s bedroom with toilet paper or a car with post it notes.

Teenage boys in particular need big doses of adventure and adrenalin. The energy that comes from pitting themselves against a physical challenge will create buoyancy that will stand them in good stead for the rest of their lives.

The discipline of a sporting environment and the team work, time commitment and self esteem from a job well done that goes with that,  is another great ‘safety net’ for teenagers. This is underscored by the old adage that says “kids in sport stay out of court”. It is also great to encourage volunteerism and ways they can be involved in their communities.

Over the years having a faith, something to believe in and live for, has been found to be a protective factor for young people in preventing early sexual activity and the use of alcohol and drugs. A 2008 study  by sociologists at Brigham Young University found that “teens who self-identify as religious — who attend church frequently and pray — are less likely to smoke, drink heavily or use marijuana.” There are certainly great advantages in the fun, safety and adventure that a youth group/ camp provides, usually under responsible young adult and adult supervision.  In the safety of a drug and alcohol free environment youth groups can provide the opportunity to meet new people, to have some fun and crazy times and enjoy great music and inspiration.

All of these things give teenagers a great ‘alternative’ to laugh about at school on Mondays while other kids are talking about ‘chundering into the roses’ and the fact that they can’t remember the sexual escapades or fights their friends told them they had or who they were with.